Back deep in the java jungle reporting in we have medical student AT Turner and Dr Phil Chapman aka ‘Dr Evil’
Been a busy few days on all fronts with pumping swell for the last 3 days and consequently no shortage of broken boards bodies and egos!
Started off quite slow and relaxed in the savage jungle humidity with boards taking most of the heat. Pete the pillow possessed ozzy (hopefully not biter, though you can never be sure!) was the first patient to the infirmary with a touch and go sea urchin injury…luckily he pulled through and amputation was narrowly avoided.
There after the pace picked up quickly with Mathew the saffa taking a severe caning to the chest cavity courtesy of cavernous speeds beast and a well aimed board. Diagnosis – chest wall contusion and fractured ribs. Soon followed by Brandon hailing from San Diego who managed to break a few fore foot bones while attempting to balance on the foam ball deep within the womb of the hoola hoop, unfortunately the pinch got the better of him and the stretcher bearers had to be dispatched to a reef rescue. He left are infirmary dosed up on codine and stabilised with in a artistically applied back slab by the hard working medical crew, still on the stretcher, still hurling abuse at the bearers and scheming for an insurance payout.
There after we had a run of minor injuries including nick the yogari with catastrophic toe stub ensuring that he was going have day outa the surf. So there goes the yoga for the week. Felilipe the loveable hyena from brazoobra who sustained ankle sprain after another board, barrel, body bonding session. He was quickly followed be a clumsy fellow countryman who preformed a not so expertly executed forward roll down bobby’s piles steps. Next up was one of the saffa bros, Gavin from sea point who ears have decided they have enough of listening to the world and doing their best to close over…in fact the worst case of surfers’ ear the evil one has ever set eyes up on, now super infected with our good ol’ friend pseudomonas. Actually the list is never ending with all manner of hypochondriacal ailments pushing this medical crew’s patience to the limit. Finally and most bizarrely we have had some serious psycho pathology evolve out here in the remote outpost. It seems there has been a freestyle cosmetic surgery taking place. Bringing to mind the excellent the album by the dead Kennedy’s (plastic surgery disasters). Luckily for future patients the surgeon is still in training and has as yet only been practising on himself. Apparently at some point while he was alone it seemed like a sensible and indeed desirable idea to inject his manhood with full on industrial silicone. The afflicted appendage is now macerated, inflamed and infected. Gangrene might soon set in but the typically head strong surgeon seems to be non compliant with the medication proscribed by his medical colleague.
On a lighter note romance has blossomed in the jungle. Ozzy mark seemed to have been getting a little lonely out here in the jungle so far from Kuta and spent last night with Roland the rat. He claims that the rat came on to him and he found it crawling on him in the night, but we are dubious. Who ever made the first move neighbours heard loud noises coming from his room continuing till the early hours (mostly from Roland).
Signing out in the torpid heat of the south east Javanese jungle (thankfully fungus free!!!)
AT and Dr Evil